one two three fourrrrnication!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
