She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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