I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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