Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
