seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
