Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
