Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
