"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
