So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just want to make out with him forever
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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