Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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