Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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