i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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