its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Your penis caused this!
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