Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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