your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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