Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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