Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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