..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
