Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
