its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
