apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
