he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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