As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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