margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
