If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
