..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize