dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
