WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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