Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You are a genius and a whore.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
