Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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