the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize