I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
