I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
