You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
