it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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