i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
