No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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