dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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