I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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