Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
