His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I DEMAND FORESKIN
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
