? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
