a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
