Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
