stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize