Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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