I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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