I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
farters have to be the big spoon...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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