I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
