i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
