Soap is not a condiment
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
