when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit