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I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This girl is more easily done than said...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
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