And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.