Texts From Last Night

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  I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?

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  (560): I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time? http://tfl.nu/wzlt
  Replies (71) Good night (1183) Bad night (21540)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like

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  (781): At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like http://tfl.nu/8q6a
  Replies (18) Good night (1558) Bad night (4902)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.

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  (865): Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010. http://tfl.nu/w6c7
  Replies (11) Good night (5944) Bad night (650)
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  (310): View more from California

  I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

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  (310): I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet. http://tfl.nu/z51s
  Replies (15) Good night (7781) Bad night (867)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.

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  (412): I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8. http://tfl.nu/h2aq
  Replies (17) Good night (8315) Bad night (929)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.

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  (205): I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila. http://tfl.nu/1ja2
  Replies (6) Good night (3138) Bad night (864)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.

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  (956): found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint. http://tfl.nu/dk3f
  Replies (14) Good night (1477) Bad night (2919)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why did I wake up holding food tongs?

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  (570): Why did I wake up holding food tongs? http://tfl.nu/i1yj
  Replies (6) Good night (1751) Bad night (773)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.

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  (403): Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out. http://tfl.nu/zi3g
  Replies (18) Good night (2128) Bad night (1030)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life

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  (412): My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life http://tfl.nu/dsvt
  Replies (25) Good night (1753) Bad night (688)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.

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  (701): I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad. http://tfl.nu/wm5g
  Replies (9) Good night (1103) Bad night (484)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.

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  (256): Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you. http://tfl.nu/bzso
  Replies (11) Good night (3383) Bad night (689)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces

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  (603): You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces http://tfl.nu/ks18
  Replies (6) Good night (1024) Bad night (415)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.

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  (303): Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth. http://tfl.nu/h368
  Replies (11) Good night (2622) Bad night (449)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.

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  (304): And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/3w59
  Replies (3) Good night (458) Bad night (204)

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