Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
