So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.