I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?