went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.