jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.