It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
