shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You can't just leave with hair like that
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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