I wish my penis had an off switch
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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