i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
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Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
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There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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