u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
