There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize