Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
