i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize