New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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