At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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