Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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