I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Randomize
