I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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