At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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