I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
