I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
