Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
