I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When did angry sex become our thing?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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