I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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