there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
