he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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