Pappa wants mamma naked
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
