the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
