Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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