I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
