We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
