upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize