Jerry, you need to find god
I accidentally burped into my bong.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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