Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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