the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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