I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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