he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
